What a wonderful week!!!

So this week started out pretty stressful. Monday morning I get up, fight my kids as normal to get up for school, and then I get dressed for work. I then drop the kids off at school and then head to work. I get to work at 7:30 am so I sit in the parking lot for a little bit listening to the radio before going into work. While I am sitting there I get a call from my family members’ boyfriends stepmom (if that isn’t confusing) telling me that some stuff went down over the weekend and I needed to contact a lawyer and file for emergency guardianship. I asked her why so she gave me the number of a caseworker to call. I call the caseworker and she said it doesn’t have to be an emergency but she would like one filed since the family member and her boyfriend have been known for drugs, etc. So I spent all day on the phone trying to find a lawyer that didn’t want an arm and a leg to file the guardianship. I talk to my dad about it and you could tell by his voice he expected me to pay part of the lawyer fee. Which I don’t mind doing if we share guardianship and if I had the money to spare. So that day was very exhausting, mentally.

Tuesday and Wednesday I was in bed most of the day because I hurt my back and could barely move. Thursday I woke up sick and throwing up, so I decided I would go into work late so I could get some Ginger Ale or Sprite to help settle my stomach. I lay back down until 10:00 and got up, and got dressed for work. I was still feeling pretty crappy but I still needed to go into work. I go outside to start my truck and all I get was a clicking noise. I thought GREAT!!! So I called my husband and told him I thought the battery was dead. He told me to turn the negative battery cable. So, I did and nothing. I turned it as far as it would go both ways and still nothing. At this time I feel very overwhelmed, plus I still feel sick. I call my husband back and he comes by the house and messes with the battery for a little bit and he finally got it to where it would whorl over but would not start. At this point I begin to cry because I feel so overwhelmed. My husband gets mad because he couldn’t figure it out and leaves. I decide to call Dodge and talk to the service manager (we are on a first name basis) and tell him what is going on and he tells me he thinks the battery doesn’t have enough charge to actually start it. I tell my husband and he thinks I am crazy and don’t know what I am talking about and says he isn’t going to mess with it. I decide to go out to my truck and I take the negative battery terminal off and clean the cable and hook the jumper cables directly up to the cables on the truck. And what do you know….IT STARTS!!! It wouldn’t idle at first but it then straightened out and was great. Haven’t had any more problems out of it. Needless to say my husband was a little upset that I proved him wrong.

Friday-I fought with the electric company most of the day over my bill and then I found this evening that my step-grandmother passed away this morning from cancer. She was the only mom my mother really new. My mom is pretty torn up about it. The visitation is Sunday and the funeral is Monday.

So that is my week. Tomorrow (Saturday) we get to go to Springfield for a Springfield Cardinals game. My son’s baseball team was chosen to go. They get to meet the players, get autographs, go out on the field with the team, get the pictures taken, and then sit right by the team’s dugout box. So, maybe some relaxation.

My memory card....and my best friend.

This past weekend, my best friend and I were heading back from Carthage listening to the memory card in my stereo. I have several songs from all different genres and artist. On our way back from Carthage, we were listening to Darius Rucker. Since the songs are in alphabetical order, there were quite a few songs by him that played one after another. I do like Darius Rucker. I had never really listened to him until my husband took me to the concert of my favorite band, Rascal Flatts, last summer. Every since then I have liked his music. My best friend, being the smart-a** that she is asked “you don’t like Darius Rucker do you?” I said “well yeah.” We then got on the subject of who Darius Rucker is and the fact that he used to be the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. She asked me if I listen to Hootie and the Blowfish and I told her not that I know of. I didn’t run out and buy their albums or anything. This may be weird, but the name “Hootie and the Blowfish” just didn’t sound appealing to me, like anything I would listen to. So when we got home we decided to look them up and I realized I listened to some of their songs when I was younger. I downloaded some of their songs to my computer so I can then transfer them to my memory card.

My best friend thought I was weird for not having Hootie and the Blowfish on it but having Darius Rucker. But she also thinks I am weird for having artists like The Johnas Brothers, Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus), and Selena Gomez but I have a 9 year old and 10 year old that likes those artists, and since they ride with me most of the time, I have to have stuff they like as well on there. I try to keep all the songs I have on there, kid friendly, because the kids do ride with me all the time and I also have my nephews on the weekend. I don’t listen to hard rap or heavy metal. I mainly listen to country and of course the stuff from the Disney channel. I listen to some hip hop when the kids aren’t in the truck.

I am hoping maybe by putting some Hootie and the Blowfish on the memory card my best friend and I won’t have the “you’re weird” discussion, at least not about this any way. If the ride was any longer then she would have really thought I was crazy because I have a ton of Rascal Flatts on the memory card.

Blogging about blogs.

I have been racking my brain all weekend and all week about what to write my sourced blog about. So I decided to blog about blogs.

A blog is a contraction of the term “web log” which is a type of website that is usually maintained by an individual with regular entries. The entries can be anything, such as, commentary, descriptions of events, or any other material like graphics or video. “Blog” can also be used as a verb, meaning “to maintain or add content to a blog.” It is basically like a diary that can be viewed publicly and people can comment on. So on any blog you would want to be careful what you blog about and who you mention in those blogs.

I know why I am blogging. It is required for school, otherwise I wouldn’t be blogging. It is believed that people blog to have a voice no matter how small; to be heard. It is a way to share your thoughts, vent, and complain to the public at large. There are even people who blog about politics and sports that would not be otherwise heard if they did not blog. If I did keep a blog every day, and not for school, most of mine, if not all of them, would be rants; like a diary. I used to keep a diary when I was a kid and it helped a lot with what was going on in my life. It made me feel like I was getting it out in the open even if no one heard it.

Before blogging for school, I had only heard of a “blog” on Myspace.com. I read other peoples blogs on there but never kept up with my own. The blogs on MySpace are the way I found out my grandmother was in a terrible car accident a few years ago, because my step family didn’t have my new number. That is how I got all the updates on her health, as well as, my grandfather’s health through it all.

Since starting my blog on Blogger.com I have given some of my family members that live out of town my web address so they can read them and possibly stay caught up on what is going on. Blogging is now my way of ranting to try to relieve stress. I am glad that we are allowed to have one blog a week that is a rant.

Family is so wonderful.....sometimes.

Well this last weekend was crazy. It started out my family member was yet again arrested on Thursday for possession of drug paraphernalia. She called another family member to be bonded out. That person called to see about getting her bonded out but he was advised she was put on a 24 hour hold for suspicion of fraudulent misuse of a credit card. She was able to be bonded out the next day on Friday. So the person she asked to bond her out, in fact did. She was to go to his house with no phone and no way to go anywhere. This person ended up getting her a phone anyway. As soon as she had the phone she called some of her “friends” and one of them picked her up and she was gone Saturday. This person who bonded her out called me and told me he was going to revoke her bond and I told him that was his decision and he could do what he wanted, I wasn’t in it. I refuse to bond her out, family or not, on drug charges not to mention for stealing a credit card. She was gone all day Saturday. Then Sunday morning the person who bonded her out called me again and told me he was thinking of revoking her bond and I again told him that it was his decision, I was not in it. He said that she had texted him and said she had a job interview (on a Sunday) and was then going to follow someone to Chicago. So that is why he wanted to revoke her bond.

After all that, everything seems fine. My best friend came over with her husband and child and we were all just hanging out. Then I get a call from my family member’s husband asking me if his child seat was still in my husband’s car from when we let them borrow the week before. I asked my daughter to run out to my husband’s car and check to see if the seat was still there. My daughter comes back in and tells me that her dad’s car isn’t out there. I told her it should be so I go check and sure enough the car was gone. I called the police department and filed a report. I then drove all over town as well as the next two towns over to see if I can find it. About midnight Sunday night I received a call from the police department saying they found my car and had it stopped and asked if I wanted it towed or I wanted to go pick it up. I told them that I wanted to go pick it up while the police was there so I can make sure nothing was missing. I get to the location and who do I see being arrested, my family member. She wasn’t the one actually driving but she was still there. So yet again she goes to jail.

We found out that somehow she was able to get into my house, while we were asleep, and take the key to the car off of my husband’s key ring and that is how she was able to take the car without breaking anything. She tried to tell the cops that I let her borrow it, that is why she had a key, and she was on her way to bring it back.

So as you can see my family member is back on meth and it has been very, very crazy. I hope things start to look up for her and she can get clean and be there for her children.

Being Involed

My 9 year old daughter is involved with Girls Scouts and they have camp next weekend. I am so excited for my daughter that she gets to go to camp. She may even get to/ have to go by herself for most of it because I will have to stay home with my son and my nephew. That is the part is scares me. I have never left my daughter alone unless it is with family. So I am a little nervous, I guess more than anything. She will go Friday night and stay until Saturday morning when I pick her up because she is also involved with the softball team and she has her first game on Saturday morning. I may then take her back and she will stay until Sunday at 5pm. All of this going in one weekend is kind of overwhelming but I am so excited that my kids are involved with stuff. I was never able to participate in things like that when I was growing up. My parents never had the money or the time to do anything with me and my sisters. My husband was in the same situation. He never got to participate in after school programs or activities. I believe this is part of the reason he and I both got in trouble as teenagers because we didn’t have anything else to do so why not. I am hoping with my kids being involved in baseball/softball/girl scouts that they will be less likely to follow in their parents’ footsteps. One of my biggest fears with my kids are they will hate me or end up in trouble like their father and I were. I talk to my kids as much as possible and let them know that no matter what they do or have done I will always be here for them. They can always call me or even write me a letter (my daughter likes to write) telling me what is on their mind, if I have done something that upsets them, or even stuff at school. I would much rather my kids to be involved in something outside of the home rather than have their noses in video games all day and night. Even without baseball and softball, I would rather my kids to be outside then in front of the tv or video games. I truly hope my kids activities impacts their life in a good way.

My rant for week ending 4/16/2010

So my week has been pretty much the same as any other week. Go to work, just to get sent home early because the call flow is low. I come and clean house and do homework. Then I pick up the kids after school and come home and start dinner. But I have been stressing all week over what classes I should take during the summer and deciding on a major. I have had several ideas but always seem to find something wrong with all of them. I am afraid that no matter what I decide I am going to get bored with it and then end up back in school or at a dead end job. I am also afraid of choosing a major and then not being able to find a decent job using that degree. I would hate to pay all this money and still be where I am now. The reason I am in school is mainly for financial stability. If I end up in the same situation I am in now, then it was all for nothing. I do not want that. My kids are already going to be teenagers by them I graduate. So there will be no time to save for college for them.

I worry a lot about everything. I worry about my kids future, how the bills are going to be paid, will my kids hate me, will they do the same things I did growing up, will I ever be out of debt, and my home being organized. My house doesn’t ever seem to be clean enough. Even if I cleaned all day and organized everything, I still feel like there is more to be done. Sometimes I just wish I could turn my brain off and not think about anything at all. I get so overwhelmed sometimes over all of these things. These things aren’t things I can change immediately but I worry about this stuff all the time. This is one reason I was put on medicine for anxiety. The meds seem to help most days. But it makes me sleepy so I don’t take it like I am supposed to.

I know this blog may be a little confusing and just rambling but this is what is on my mind right now and pretty much every day, all day. I do have an appointment to start seeing a counselor towards the end of the month and I hope that talking with a counselor will help more and I will be able to control my worries and anxiety. I wish all the time that I didn’t worry as much and my anxiety level wasn’t always high but things are the way they are and all I can do is try to do my best every day. I try to remember the Serenity Prayer but that doesn’t always help. I will try to keep my head up and continue to believe that everything happens for a reason.

AAGGHHH Again!

So my family member that is/was on Meth is back at home. She was at my dad’s for a day and then she came to my house last Sunday. Which is fine at least I know she isn’t using when she is at my house. She has slept almost the entire time she has been here which is stressful on me because I am the one dealing with her boys. I usually have them on the weekends anyway but the weekend ended Sunday. I am stressed to the max. I normally get a break during the week so I am able to do normal stuff like homework, house work, and maybe even some relaxing. Man, these last few days have been crazy. I am grateful that my family member is getting clean but she still has some drama associated with this. Like she loaned her truck out to one of these addicts and the girls quit returning the calls and no one knew where the truck was for 3 or 4 days. Eventually the girl called and said her truck was in Fairview, MO which is like one hour away. So her, her husband and my husband drive all the way down there just to find out the tags aren’t on it, there is no battery, and the girl has the keys. So they ended up calling a wrecker to tow it back to Joplin. Now they have to get a new key made that is going to cost because there is a chip in it or something. But she is getting mad at her husband, as well as me and my husband because we don’t have any money and are limited to what we can do. We tell her she brought this on herself and we are willing to try to help her fix it but she doesn’t need to be yelling at us. I told her she should go look in the mirror and yell. Today, again she has been sleeping all day and I have been dealing with the 2 boys and trying to do homework as well as housework and dinner. I, again, am so stressed. I am so glad she is getting clean but she shouldn’t expect everyone to drop everything and be at her every yell and do everything she wants us to do. Our lives didn’t stop when she went on her little “adventure”, we still have our normal stuff to do every day and we can’t just drop everything to do what she needs done. We have to work around our normal schedule and life. I want to help her but she is asking too much I think. Maybe now that she is getting clean she can get her a job and get a house of her own and start living normally.

Men may not want to read this.

I have been having some pain in my ovaries so I decided to do some research on ovarian cysts, which is what my doctor thinks I may be developing.

An ovarian cyst is a fluid-filled sac that is usually found on the surface of an ovary. There are several types of ovarian cysts and each has different underlying causes. Most women will have them during child bearing years. Most are completely without symptoms but some types can cause serious health problems.
Types of ovarian cysts:
1. Functional (physiologic) cysts such as follicular cyst, and corpus luteum cyst.
2. Dermoid cyst.
3. Endometrioma or “chocolate cyst”
4. Cystadenoma
5. Multiple cysts-Polycystic ovary
Ovarian cysts are diagnosed by a pelvic exam by palpating the ovaries. They can also be diagnosed by a pelvic ultrasound, where sound waves are transmitted through your pelvic area and an image of your ovaries and uterus is shown on a video screen. One other way is by laparoscopy which is a surgical procedure when you doctor wants to see the cyst.

Ovarian cysts can be treated by watchful waiting where the doctor will schedule several ultrasounds to keep watching them to see if they go away on their own or not. Birth control pills can help in treatment by altering your hormone levels so the cyst will shrink. One other way is surgery where it would be surgically removed if it is large, solid or filled with debris, persistently growing, irregularly shaped, or causing pain.

Ovarian cysts can be prevented by improving the quality of your diet, increasing exercise, controlling stress, or using bio-identical hormones, these are supplements and herbs to help balance your hormonal system.

I almost always have pain in my ovaries. I am terrified that it is going to be something that requires surgery. I used to be on birth control pills but 2 years ago I got an IUD called the Merena. It seems that every since then the pain hasn’t gotten worse, so as soon as I am able to get back into my doctor I may have to have that removed. I hope not because taking the pill every day was hard to remember and I got pregnant with my daughter while I was on the DepoProvera shot. I would like to keep the Merena but am not sure I can handle the pain for 3 more years since it is good for 5 years.

STRESS!!!

I have been under a lot of stress these past few months so I decided to do a blog about just that-stress. I have been under a lot of it worrying about finances and family issues. I have actually been to the hospital because of stress and anxiety last week. I was put on meds because of it and hopefully I will be able to go see a counselor soon to get more help with this. A lot of people criticize me for taking meds to help with it because they say you can control it on your own. I guess I am not that strong or whatever because I tried handling it on my own and it didn’t help.

Stress is a normal, physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense this danger, the body’s defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight or flight” reaction, better known as the stress response. This response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly it stays focused, energetic, and alert. These responses are the ones that make you slam on the brakes to avoid an accident, and are also responsible for giving you extra strength to defend yourself. Stress is also responsible for keeping you on your toes during a presentation at work, and also drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching television. But beyond a certain point, stress starts causing major damage to your health, your mood, your productivity, your relationships, and your quality of life. Stress doesn’t know the difference between physical threats and psychological threats. No matter what threat it is, stress causes your body to react the same. Rather it is stressing over bills, an argument with a friend, or being held at gun point. Your stress response is turned on at these times and the more it is “on” the harder it is to turn “off”. Long term stress exposure can lead to serious health problems such as high blood pressure, suppressed immune system, increase risk of heart attack and stroke. It can also contribute to infertility and speed up the aging process, as well as it can “rewire” the brain leaving you more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

Several de-stressing ideas include: taking a vacation, listening to music, read a good book, sleep, get a massage, and sexual relations.
Take a vacation: Even if it is just a drive through the country, just get away.
Listen to music: Listening to music gets you focused on the sound and you forget everything else for a little while.
Read a good book: Reading a good book is a good way to take a “vacation” without leaving the house.
Sleep: Having too little or too much sleep can put you in a bad mood and make you stressed.
Get a massage: A massage is a good way to relieve muscle tension.
Sexual Relation: Lovemaking sessions can relieve tension.