Thursday, March 25, 2010
My rant for week ending 4/2/2010
So today was my first day back at work in a couple weeks. It was kind of weird but not. It was like starting a new job and you know almost everyone. It was kind of nice to get back to work and get out of the house and have something else to think about all instead of worrying about my family member that is or was on drugs. She claims to not have ever been on them and claims to not be on any now. (But that is a whole other story.) The first 45 minutes I spent at work in the lobby waiting for the lady that needed to release me back to work to get there. She then gets there and faxes the appropriate paper to the corporate office, which meant I had to wait another 15 minutes until she decided to let me go to the call floor until she heard from corporate. I’m thinking we are getting somewhere. I can go be productive or at least try to be. I get out on the floor and since I have been gone all my passwords need to be reset. My supervisor had to email yet another person in the corporate office to get my passwords reset. Meanwhile, I am talking to people trying to find out what I have missed, of course most of it was gossip, but hey it gets us all. I was also looking at the internal memo board to get caught up on the policy and procedure side of things. This went on for what seemed like forever. I finally was able to log into my computer systems and was ready to go to work. I pick up my headset and put it on and…..nothing. It isn’t working. So, I let my supervisor know, because we aren’t supposed to fix these things our selves. She calls the IT person and tells him what is going on and she says “He’ll be out in a minute”. Twenty minutes later I decide I am going to do it myself, I need to get back to work. So I take the headset and amplifier from another bay, and of course, here comes the IT guy. I’m thinking “haha I fixed it myself” well come to find out I didn’t and I had to move to another seat. Which really irritated me because I actually had a seat now, I actually felt like I belonged and I had to move. Not to mention I had to sit next to someone who didn’t smell to well. I am not the type to complain, I would just deal with it. And I did. But I was on the IT guys butt to fix my seat. Finally, he did and I was able to move back to my seat and actually do my job. I’m feeling pretty good at this point; I am able to get to work. I have been off work for a while and the time that I was off, I so wished I could have been at work instead of dealing with what I was dealing with. It was so nice to be back at work even after everything I dealt with to ACTUALLY get back to work.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
What to do?
So this is my rant for the week.
I went to my best friends’ house in Arkansas this last weekend so I could just get away. I wanted to leave on Friday but couldn’t because my daughter had girl scouts. No big deal I figured I would leave first thing Saturday morning. Well I ended up leaving around noon which put me at her house around 1 pm. Which is fine but I had to leave the next morning by 10 so I could be back for my son’s baseball practice at noon, which by the way got canceled with no warning. Some would say it was not worth going down for a visit for less than 24 hours but I needed to get a way. Did I mention it wasn’t “me time” because I took my kids with me? Which I do not mind, my kids go everywhere with me because I do not have a sitter and my husband is either working or just doesn’t want to have to take care of them himself. Well, I did enjoy my time. I made sure my house was completely clean before I left so he could pick up what little dishes or laundry he used and I wouldn’t have a lot to do when I got home. Surprisingly enough my husband survived. He actually cooked. Which now that I think about, I would have rather he’d gone out to eat instead. I come home and see that he dirty dishes were still in the sink from the night before and the pans were still on the stove. I didn’t say anything at first because I figured he would clean it. Well, that evening (Sunday) I told him that the house was clean before I left and I would appreciate it if he would clean up his mess. He said he would get it done don’t worry. So I waited and waited and nothing got done. So I rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher, swept and mopped the floor, bleached all the counters, and cleaned the stove. However, I did tell him he could clean the pans, because when he cooks stuff gets really stuck to the bottoms. Again, he said he would get to it. So I went to bed and he continued to play his video games. I wake up Monday morning and they still weren’t done and I was NOT going to do them. At this point I was pretty agitated but I didn’t go into the kitchen so it would not bother me so much…you know out of site out of mind. Again, he played his video games when he had some down time from work and didn’t clean the pans. This was last night (Monday). Well, tonight, I had it, I cleaned the kitchen as normal and told him that the dishes he dirtied were still there and I would appreciate it if he would wash them. They sat there for 2 days. I know I should have or could have washed them but I do that all the time. He is a big boy and he can pick up after himself. He made the excuse that he let them set that long in water so they would be easier to clean. Which anyone who has done dishes knows you don’t have to let them set that long, you just have to put some elbow grease behind it. Well, of course he says that he would have got to it if I wouldn’t have said anything and I always have to have something to gripe about. I do not know what to do any more. I feel like we are always arguing and he says it is always completely my fault. I have my faults, I admit, but so does he and he won’t admit that some of my gripping is his fault. I am so stressed out!!
I went to my best friends’ house in Arkansas this last weekend so I could just get away. I wanted to leave on Friday but couldn’t because my daughter had girl scouts. No big deal I figured I would leave first thing Saturday morning. Well I ended up leaving around noon which put me at her house around 1 pm. Which is fine but I had to leave the next morning by 10 so I could be back for my son’s baseball practice at noon, which by the way got canceled with no warning. Some would say it was not worth going down for a visit for less than 24 hours but I needed to get a way. Did I mention it wasn’t “me time” because I took my kids with me? Which I do not mind, my kids go everywhere with me because I do not have a sitter and my husband is either working or just doesn’t want to have to take care of them himself. Well, I did enjoy my time. I made sure my house was completely clean before I left so he could pick up what little dishes or laundry he used and I wouldn’t have a lot to do when I got home. Surprisingly enough my husband survived. He actually cooked. Which now that I think about, I would have rather he’d gone out to eat instead. I come home and see that he dirty dishes were still in the sink from the night before and the pans were still on the stove. I didn’t say anything at first because I figured he would clean it. Well, that evening (Sunday) I told him that the house was clean before I left and I would appreciate it if he would clean up his mess. He said he would get it done don’t worry. So I waited and waited and nothing got done. So I rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher, swept and mopped the floor, bleached all the counters, and cleaned the stove. However, I did tell him he could clean the pans, because when he cooks stuff gets really stuck to the bottoms. Again, he said he would get to it. So I went to bed and he continued to play his video games. I wake up Monday morning and they still weren’t done and I was NOT going to do them. At this point I was pretty agitated but I didn’t go into the kitchen so it would not bother me so much…you know out of site out of mind. Again, he played his video games when he had some down time from work and didn’t clean the pans. This was last night (Monday). Well, tonight, I had it, I cleaned the kitchen as normal and told him that the dishes he dirtied were still there and I would appreciate it if he would wash them. They sat there for 2 days. I know I should have or could have washed them but I do that all the time. He is a big boy and he can pick up after himself. He made the excuse that he let them set that long in water so they would be easier to clean. Which anyone who has done dishes knows you don’t have to let them set that long, you just have to put some elbow grease behind it. Well, of course he says that he would have got to it if I wouldn’t have said anything and I always have to have something to gripe about. I do not know what to do any more. I feel like we are always arguing and he says it is always completely my fault. I have my faults, I admit, but so does he and he won’t admit that some of my gripping is his fault. I am so stressed out!!
Anxiety
I have been having several anxiety attacks the past couple weeks with everything going on with my family member and then just my family in general. When I have an anxiety attack it usually starts off with my head feeling like it is being squeezed in a vice and the my chest gets real tight and I can’t breathe. I usually am able to control them by breathing and going to a quite place but they have been lasting longer and longer. So this week I decided to do my sourced blog on anxiety.
Anxiety is a psychological and physiological state that is characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional m and behavioral components. All these combine to make an unpleasant feeling, such as the tightening in my chest. It can typically be associated with uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Anxiety is a mood condition that often occurs without any obvious triggering stimulus. I can be sitting here watching television, fine and peachy, and then my chest starts tightening and I can’t breathe. It is distinguished from fear because fear there is a presence of an observed threat. Anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. Another way to look at anxiety is as a “future-oriented mood state in which one is ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events.” Future vs. present danger is a distinguishing factor between fear and anxiety. A small amount of anxiety is normal. It is a normal reaction to stress. It may help someone deal with a difficult situation, by prompting someone to cope with it. When it comes excessive, it may be classified as an anxiety disorder.
Some symptoms of anxiety is irrational fear or dread, muscle tension, headaches, jaw-clenching, teeth-grinding, insomnia, restlessness, and chest pain or pressure shortness of breath just to name a few. I, myself, suffer from all of these. I used to be able to control it by concentrating on my breathing, going t a quite place, and just relaxing. But that is getting harder and harder to do because when it is quiet and I am alone, my mind wonders even more. I am not a big fan of taking medication. I hardly ever even take Tylenol. But I really think I am going to have to seek help from a doctor on this one. Even it is just for a little while because it is starting to affect my loved ones and my work and school both.
Wish me luck. If anyone has any ideas on other ways to help I would greatly appreciate it.
Anxiety is a psychological and physiological state that is characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional m and behavioral components. All these combine to make an unpleasant feeling, such as the tightening in my chest. It can typically be associated with uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Anxiety is a mood condition that often occurs without any obvious triggering stimulus. I can be sitting here watching television, fine and peachy, and then my chest starts tightening and I can’t breathe. It is distinguished from fear because fear there is a presence of an observed threat. Anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. Another way to look at anxiety is as a “future-oriented mood state in which one is ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events.” Future vs. present danger is a distinguishing factor between fear and anxiety. A small amount of anxiety is normal. It is a normal reaction to stress. It may help someone deal with a difficult situation, by prompting someone to cope with it. When it comes excessive, it may be classified as an anxiety disorder.
Some symptoms of anxiety is irrational fear or dread, muscle tension, headaches, jaw-clenching, teeth-grinding, insomnia, restlessness, and chest pain or pressure shortness of breath just to name a few. I, myself, suffer from all of these. I used to be able to control it by concentrating on my breathing, going t a quite place, and just relaxing. But that is getting harder and harder to do because when it is quiet and I am alone, my mind wonders even more. I am not a big fan of taking medication. I hardly ever even take Tylenol. But I really think I am going to have to seek help from a doctor on this one. Even it is just for a little while because it is starting to affect my loved ones and my work and school both.
Wish me luck. If anyone has any ideas on other ways to help I would greatly appreciate it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Marijuana
With everything that has been going on with my family member I have decided to do another blog on drugs. This time it is marijuana. Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the United States. It is derived from the hemp plant Cannabis sativa. Abusers shred up the green and brown mix of flowers, stems, seeds, and leaves and smoke it as a cigarette, also known as a joint, or smoke it in a pipe. It can also be smoked in blunts, which is cigars that have been emptied of tobacco and refilled with the marijuana. The blunt retains the tobacco leaf used to wrap the cigar which combines marijuana’s active ingredient THC with nicotine and other harmful chemicals. Marijuana can also be mixed with food and brewed as a tea.
When someone smokes marijuana, THC rapidly passes from the lungs into the bloodstream, which then carries the chemical to the brain and other organs throughout the body. THC acts on specific sites in the brain, called cannabinoid receptors. This kicks off a series of cellular reactions that leads to the “high” that users experience after smoking marijuana. Some brain areas have more cannabinoid receptors than other areas. The highest amount of receptors are found in the parts of the brain that influence pleasure, memory, thoughts, concentration, sensory and time perception, as well as coordinated movement. The receptors being affected can cause distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, and problems with learning and memory. These affects can last for days or even weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off. For someone who smokes marijuana every day may function at a lower intellectual level at all times.
Long term marijuana abuse can lead to addiction; that is, compulsive drug seeking and abuse despite knowing the harmful effects. Long term abusers, that try to quit, report irritability, sleeplessness, decreased appetite, anxiety, and drug craving. These withdraws symptoms begin within about 1 day following abstinence, peak 2-3 days, and subside within 1 or 2 weeks following drug cessation.
Marijuana abusers are at a higher risk for anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and schizophrenia. Marijuana also increases heart rate by 20-100 percent after smoking, which can last up to 3 hours after. There is a small chance of having a heart attack in the first hour after smoking the drug. This chance is higher in the aging populations and those with cardiac vulnerabilities. Marijuana also has effects on your lungs. Marijuana smoke contains 50-70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco smoke. However, there are no positive associations between marijuana use and lung upper respiratory or upper digestive tract cancers.
Behavioral interventions, including cognitive behavioral therapy and motivational incentives; such as providing vouchers for goods or services to patients who remain abstinent, have shown to be effective in treating marijuana dependence. There are studies in process to try to provide a medication that would help with the dependence by easing withdrawal, blocking the intoxicating effect of marijuana, and preventing relapse.
When someone smokes marijuana, THC rapidly passes from the lungs into the bloodstream, which then carries the chemical to the brain and other organs throughout the body. THC acts on specific sites in the brain, called cannabinoid receptors. This kicks off a series of cellular reactions that leads to the “high” that users experience after smoking marijuana. Some brain areas have more cannabinoid receptors than other areas. The highest amount of receptors are found in the parts of the brain that influence pleasure, memory, thoughts, concentration, sensory and time perception, as well as coordinated movement. The receptors being affected can cause distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, and problems with learning and memory. These affects can last for days or even weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off. For someone who smokes marijuana every day may function at a lower intellectual level at all times.
Long term marijuana abuse can lead to addiction; that is, compulsive drug seeking and abuse despite knowing the harmful effects. Long term abusers, that try to quit, report irritability, sleeplessness, decreased appetite, anxiety, and drug craving. These withdraws symptoms begin within about 1 day following abstinence, peak 2-3 days, and subside within 1 or 2 weeks following drug cessation.
Marijuana abusers are at a higher risk for anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and schizophrenia. Marijuana also increases heart rate by 20-100 percent after smoking, which can last up to 3 hours after. There is a small chance of having a heart attack in the first hour after smoking the drug. This chance is higher in the aging populations and those with cardiac vulnerabilities. Marijuana also has effects on your lungs. Marijuana smoke contains 50-70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than tobacco smoke. However, there are no positive associations between marijuana use and lung upper respiratory or upper digestive tract cancers.
Behavioral interventions, including cognitive behavioral therapy and motivational incentives; such as providing vouchers for goods or services to patients who remain abstinent, have shown to be effective in treating marijuana dependence. There are studies in process to try to provide a medication that would help with the dependence by easing withdrawal, blocking the intoxicating effect of marijuana, and preventing relapse.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Life!!!
My husband works for a local tow truck company and seems to be gone all the time. Granted it is a job and we all know finding a job in today’s market is almost as bad as finding a needle in a haystack. I am very thankful that he has a job and is a hard worker. He is very loyal to his company and works his butt off for the company. The problem I have is I always feel like we never get to spend any time together. Every time we make plans, he gets a call and has to leave. Which I know it is his job. There are other drivers but my husband is the one that is always told to go to the tow.
A couple of examples are: I was broke down beside the road so I call my husband to come tow our truck to the shop. He told me ok let him finish the tow he was on and he would be there. Well, as always, he got another call and he asked the owner of the company’s brother to go get it since he can drive the same wrecker as my husband and I was broke down and it was freezing cold. The brother said he couldn’t go do it because he was eating breakfast. Most days my husband doesn’t even get breakfast because he gets a call and has to run out the door.
Another example is my husband and the other driver is supposed to have alternating weekends off. Well this weekend was supposed to be my husband’s weekend off. Not only because it was his scheduled weekend off but he had to go to Texas for his other job. The weekend starts 9 am Saturday and ends 9 am Monday. My husband gets a call at 8:45 am on Saturday and doesn’t get done with that call until close to 11 am. Nice right. Well he was able to take off after that for a couple hours but then the brother, who is supposed to be the backup when one of the regular drivers is off, calls and tells my husband that he needs to stay on until he left for Texas on Sunday because he didn’t want to come into town and cover any in town calls until the other driver got back. So my husband didn’t get even a full day off from the tow truck company. It’s frustrating that the brother, who supposed to be back up, didn’t want to do his job so my husband didn’t get his time off to spend with his family. And it wasn’t like there was a good reason; he just didn’t want to drive to town.
My husband and I argue quite often because of all this and I am thankful he has a job but I feel his boss and the brother takes advantage of him. Not to mention he has to run his butt off to even make a decent paycheck.
A couple of examples are: I was broke down beside the road so I call my husband to come tow our truck to the shop. He told me ok let him finish the tow he was on and he would be there. Well, as always, he got another call and he asked the owner of the company’s brother to go get it since he can drive the same wrecker as my husband and I was broke down and it was freezing cold. The brother said he couldn’t go do it because he was eating breakfast. Most days my husband doesn’t even get breakfast because he gets a call and has to run out the door.
Another example is my husband and the other driver is supposed to have alternating weekends off. Well this weekend was supposed to be my husband’s weekend off. Not only because it was his scheduled weekend off but he had to go to Texas for his other job. The weekend starts 9 am Saturday and ends 9 am Monday. My husband gets a call at 8:45 am on Saturday and doesn’t get done with that call until close to 11 am. Nice right. Well he was able to take off after that for a couple hours but then the brother, who is supposed to be the backup when one of the regular drivers is off, calls and tells my husband that he needs to stay on until he left for Texas on Sunday because he didn’t want to come into town and cover any in town calls until the other driver got back. So my husband didn’t get even a full day off from the tow truck company. It’s frustrating that the brother, who supposed to be back up, didn’t want to do his job so my husband didn’t get his time off to spend with his family. And it wasn’t like there was a good reason; he just didn’t want to drive to town.
My husband and I argue quite often because of all this and I am thankful he has a job but I feel his boss and the brother takes advantage of him. Not to mention he has to run his butt off to even make a decent paycheck.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Taking online courses.
I have been racking my brain today trying to figure what my sourced blog was going to be about. Then I got to thinking why we are doing the blogs in the first place. We are blogging because we aren’t “traditional” students, and this is our way of having class discussions or conversations. We, for whatever reason, have decided to take classes online. I am sure most of us are because we still need to hold down a full time job plus go to school to try to better ourselves. I know I decided to do online classes because of that. The rate of unemployment in Missouri was 9.5% for January. This rate was still lower than the national average of 9.7%. I, by no means had any intentions of adding to that rate. Besides, my family still needed two sources of income to survive while I was attending college.
A few reasons to take online courses other than being able to work full time are:
*More flexibility- Allows you to do assignments at your own pace and when you choose, as
long as they are turned in on time.
*Save gas money- in this economy and with gas prices, it’s good to save every penny possible.
*You could save time-instead of spending time driving to campus you can use that time to study
or do assignments.
A couple good reasons to take classes on campus are:
*Better time management- your instructor reminds you when assignments are due.
*Personal Attention-you get immediate feedback during class.
*Change of scenery- Gets you out of the house and around other people.
*Access to more courses- Not all courses are offered online.
Even though taking online classes are better for me so I can continue to work full time, sometimes I wish I could take traditional classes. I would be able to get the immediate feedback that I sometimes need, and I would get out of the house and around other people that may have the same interests as me. Plus, I could possibly have more courses to choose from. Not all the courses I need are offered online right now, hopefully soon they will be and I will be able to do everything I need online.
A few reasons to take online courses other than being able to work full time are:
*More flexibility- Allows you to do assignments at your own pace and when you choose, as
long as they are turned in on time.
*Save gas money- in this economy and with gas prices, it’s good to save every penny possible.
*You could save time-instead of spending time driving to campus you can use that time to study
or do assignments.
A couple good reasons to take classes on campus are:
*Better time management- your instructor reminds you when assignments are due.
*Personal Attention-you get immediate feedback during class.
*Change of scenery- Gets you out of the house and around other people.
*Access to more courses- Not all courses are offered online.
Even though taking online classes are better for me so I can continue to work full time, sometimes I wish I could take traditional classes. I would be able to get the immediate feedback that I sometimes need, and I would get out of the house and around other people that may have the same interests as me. Plus, I could possibly have more courses to choose from. Not all the courses I need are offered online right now, hopefully soon they will be and I will be able to do everything I need online.
I don't know what to do anymore!
So my family member that I believe is on meth isn’t getting any better. Every time I think she is getting better, something happens to make me think otherwise. I am at a loss. I do not know what to do. I know that I can’t sit back and do nothing at all. Especially, when there is babies involved. I am terrified something may happen to her or the babies. Not so much the babies because they are always at either my house or my dad’s house. But I talked to her today and she found out that I talked to her husband, who she is separated from, about maybe setting up an intervention. He told me he didn’t think it would work and may be a waste of my time. Well, she found out that I talked to him and she asked me why. At first I didn’t tell her why but she pushed and pushed so I told her that I called him about setting up an intervention because I love her and believe she needs help. Well, she wasn’t very happy with this and now she tells me I won’t get to see her boys anymore. I asked her why she was being like this and she said because I am not her mother. But I was the one that helped take care of her when her mom wasn’t there. She always promised me she would NEVER keep the boys from me. Now she won’t answer my calls or anything.
I am so lost on what to do. I have called a local drug center that helps with interventions and such. The guy I talked to gave me a lot of good information. But she has to be willing to accept the help and go to rehab, we can’t force her. I really do not think she will willing go to rehab. She always tells me she isn’t doing anything. I think she is still in denial. I really do not know what to do anymore. I know I am so scared and worried. Her kids’ father is just as bad as I think she is. She tells me all the time that she doesn’t want that kind of life for her children and she doesn’t want to be around him. But yet we always see or hear of her being with him; hanging out. I am all for her having the kids’ dad in their lives but I am not sure that it is safe. Again, I am so confused and scared and worried. I do not know what to do.
I am so lost on what to do. I have called a local drug center that helps with interventions and such. The guy I talked to gave me a lot of good information. But she has to be willing to accept the help and go to rehab, we can’t force her. I really do not think she will willing go to rehab. She always tells me she isn’t doing anything. I think she is still in denial. I really do not know what to do anymore. I know I am so scared and worried. Her kids’ father is just as bad as I think she is. She tells me all the time that she doesn’t want that kind of life for her children and she doesn’t want to be around him. But yet we always see or hear of her being with him; hanging out. I am all for her having the kids’ dad in their lives but I am not sure that it is safe. Again, I am so confused and scared and worried. I do not know what to do.
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